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Common Obstacles To Building Resilience

No one wants to be mentally weak. We all want to be resilient and be able to weather the storm. However, this isn’t often the case. Below are some things that can keep you mentally weak regardless of your effort to build up strength mentally.

Getting Stuck To the Past

You cannot recover from a setback when you keep thinking about your past. Indeed, you are hurt, and it’s natural to feel that way. You have devoted your time, energy, and money to the business or relationship, but it’s now all futile. It’s painful. However, you have to move on. Moving on is the only acceptable choice you can make out of the myriad of options you have.

Other options will only make you bound to something that is gone forever. Your ex is gone. He or she might come back, but that shouldn’t be your objective for now. You’ll only continue to get angry and stir up negative emotions when you keep seeking reconciliation when the person doesn’t want it. You cannot force yourself into people’s lives.

If anyone doesn’t want you anymore, move on with your life. Imagine if JK Rowling kept crying every day because her husband divorced her, she would never have been able to produce Harry Potter. Don’t have the notion that you cannot succeed without your significant partner. Indeed, some people come into our lives that make the journey easier. Nonetheless, nobody is indispensable.

Pessimism About The Future

When all you see about your future is darkness, doom, and bleakness, you cannot be resilient. You will always want to crawl into your shell to ruminate about the past because you don’t have hope. What rule says that the remaining part of your life cannot be more glorious than all you have ever achieved in the past? It’s not yet time to tell your story.

Early bloomers often struggle when they have a significant setback. They are afraid that they would never get to the previous height again. Some of them feel that they were too quick to fulfill their potentials and have nothing left again. However, this is not true. As long as you keep seeking ways to improve yourself, you can always beat your previous records and set new ones.

examples of depressed people

Low Self-Efficacy

One of the things people who aren’t resilient lack is the belief in their ability to succeed after a setback. Indeed, it can be a long road back to redemption, especially when you face challenging times because of something terrible you did. Nonetheless, you can rewrite history. Do it step by step but do it anyway.

If you don’t give up on yourself, the remaining part of your life can be the best part of it. Do you still remember the story of Colonel Sanders? As long as you are still living, you still have the chance to end your life uniquely. No one might give you a chance for a comeback, but you need to back yourself.

Everyone, including your friends and families, might write you off. However, it matters little if you refuse to give up on yourself. You’ll eventually convince critics and doubters when you start getting the right results. Keep “singing,” even when no one is dancing. Just be yourself, and people will eventually appreciate your uniqueness.

Lack of the Right Relationships

It’s easier to bounce back from a setback when you have the right people around you. Indeed, a determination is a crucial ingredient that can make a person stand his or her ground even when facing strong opposition. Nonetheless, you also need your loved ones. In other words, it’s easier to believe you can pull through difficult times when you have people to offer you the needed support and encouragement.

We cannot deny or underscore the support of friends and families in our journey in life. It can be devastating when you look around, and no one is willing to be in your corner during periods of need. You can feel lonely and rejected, which makes it difficult to be resilient. Our friends and families give us the courage and strength needed to overcome unpleasant situations.

So, when they mock us or turn their backs on us when we are struggling, our strengths might fail us. Even when you don’t have money, a cordial relationship with friends and family can see us through. However, when these people reject or remind us about our past mistakes, it can become challenging to recover from a setback.

Lack of Focus

Keeping your focus during turbulent times is easier said than done. Nonetheless, you need it to find your way out of an emotional abyss. Take your time to find somewhere you can be free from distractions and carve out a new plan. One of the ways you can maintain your focus in life is by setting goals. Goals give you a sense of purpose and direction as you go about achieving them every day.

Note that setting goals aren’t all about writing out the things you want to achieve. Instead, there are some skills you need to learn that can make the process a success. Your goals have to be specific and measurable. Besides, they should be relevant to you, achievable, and within a timeframe. Once your goals possess these attributes, you are on the right path.

social comparison with friends

Upward Social Comparison

The social comparison involves measuring your success by comparing yourself with people you feel are better than you or not up to your level. When you compare yourself with people that are below your level, it is a downward social comparison. However, it is an upward social comparison when you draw parallels with people you feel are better than you. Neither form of social comparison is healthy. However, the upward version is the worst.

Upward social comparison hinders the development of resilience. You will keep looking at other people who have achieved the things you haven’t achieved and feel bad about your life. This phenomenon is expected in the modern world, thanks to social media. Many people post pictures of their expensive possessions to get remarks and comments. If you aren’t careful, it can make you start feeling dissatisfied and frustrated about your life. So, when you are trying to recover from a setback, you should stay off social media to avoid developing negative emotions.

Finish Strong!

We will end this book on a very high note by talking about how you can finish strong. You might have picked up this book because you felt your life was crashing. Nonetheless, you can still build something glorious out of the ruins. The tips below can help you recover from setbacks and forge ahead to make something beautiful out of the remaining part of your life.

Be Grateful

I have no idea what you have been through. However, the truth is that it could have been worse. Yes! It left you heartbroken. You are mending your boat and still healing from the wounds, but it could have been worse than this. You need to start by seeing things from this perspective. Be grateful that you are still alive and still have a chance to do something with your life again.

You might have lost a considerable amount of money. However, you still have your beautiful kids, lovely spouse, and a family who cares about you. Would you rather lose your loved ones rather than lose money? Of course, no amount of money can replace the life and company of your friends and family. So, be deliberately grateful. Pick a jotter or journal and list out things in your life worth celebrating.

Leave your home and go to places where you will find tranquility and just enjoy the ambiance. Go to the beach, mountain, or wherever you can connect with nature. Use those moments to value the essential things in life again – life, family, health. Breathe and stay in the moment as you prepare mentally to start all over again.

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Surrender Is A Choice: Never Take It!

“If you fall behind, run faster. Never give up, never surrender, and rise up against the odds.” Jesse Jackson

One of the statements you should never make in life is that you don’t have a choice. It’s not true because you always do. You can never be mentally healthy when you leave yourself at the mercy of the circumstances surrounding you. As earlier mentioned, there are people in history or in the world today who have faced situations more limiting than yours and still succeeded in their endeavors.

Therefore, surrendering is a choice people take, and you should never see it as an option. Those periods of your life when it seems your back is against the wall are the best opportunities to turn a corner by refusing to give up. Those times are the best periods to pick up biographies of people who have faced similar situations and learn from how they could recover.

You Have Nothing To Lose Again

No one likes to fail, but failure is beautiful in some ways. In fact, it’s good for your mental health sometimes. How? When you have never failed before, you are under considerable pressure to sustain your perfect record. You’ll have many people thinking that you are some kind of superhuman, which puts pressure on you. You want to maintain your status of invisibility, and that by itself can lead to anxiety.

However, when something goes wrong, you and the people around you will realize that you are not impeccable, reducing the level of pressure and expectations they have of you. At that point, you have nothing to lose again. Therefore, it is the perfect opportunity to do things without putting yourself under unnecessary pressure.

You’ll go about your business with a calm mind because you have nothing to prove to anyone. You are merely doing what you need to do to be the best version of yourself. So, when you fail, don’t be too concerned about what people have to say about you. Whoever has not failed before should write you off. Obviously, there’s no one like that.

Make New Friends

Friends are there for you on the days you are being celebrated. You share good times with them and enjoy pleasant occasions. However, those are not the days you really need them. The days of adversity are when you need that arm around the neck and a bear hug the most. If your friends are not there for you as a succor during your dark days, they don’t deserve to be around you.

You need to make new friends. Be around people who will give you the drive and positive energy you need to climb up the ladder again. Instead of sulking and wailing, talk to someone you know can encourage you. It helps a lot if the person has gone through that situation or something similar before.

Remember to keep such people with you when the rainy days are over. Unfortunately, some people have a culture of forgetting the people who were there for them during their moments of trial and tribulation. Don’t be one of such ungrateful individuals. Share your pleasant moments with the friends who were there for you during your dark days.

Take a Step Back To Run Forward

There’s no doubt that we all love it when people say nice things about us. This desire is the reason people post pictures of themselves on social media. We all want people to tell us how beautiful, elegant, and brilliant we are. However, it’s a serious problem when those comments mean the world to you. It’s one of the reasons some people struggle to recover after a setback. They cannot imagine not being in the spotlight again.

You should learn to take a break sometimes to come up with a new strategy. This approach is fundamental after a significant setback. Don’t be under immense pressure to start doing something again. Take time and analyze the situation. Identify the areas where you made mistakes and think about how you could have done things differently. If you start again without learning your lessons, you’ll make the same mistakes again.

Believe In Yourself Again

Your journey back to the top begins with forgiving yourself for making mistakes. You cannot undo what you have done. So, the best move is to let it go and try to make the best out of your life. Forgiving yourself will make you believe in yourself again. Note that you cannot succeed in any endeavor in life if you don’t have self-confidence. Naturally, the thoughts of your past failures will run through your mind once in a while.

Nonetheless, you should never let them limit you. To make things easier, ensure that you start by doing things you are confident you have mastery over. Leverage your strengths as you slowly build your self-esteem. It’s not right for you to take another hit after a major crisis. So, it is safer to do things you are sure of before taking risks.

Believe In Yourself steps

Conclusion

Resilience is a crucial ingredient that must not be missing in the life of anyone who wants to achieve their dream. Life will never give you what you want on a platter of gold. So, you must be determined and choose never to give up. You’ll experience many challenges on your way to greatness. If you see them as stepping stones to success, you will eventually become the best you can be. Otherwise, you will come back crashing to the ground.

Life isn’t about how many times you have failed. If you read the stories of great achievers, you’ll notice that they weren’t people who had it easy. Many of them have the odds stacked against them. Many of them were turned down by people who didn’t believe in their dreams and ideas. However, they never allowed those moments to affect them. Instead, they defied the odds and faced their fears. They challenged the words of damning critics and were eventually able to prove them wrong.

You can do the same too. You can choose to become stronger and build resilience from unfortunate situations you have found yourself in. Your story hasn’t ended unless you choose to quit. Remember that the champions of today were once victims of adversity. However, they choose to learn from those periods to give themselves a better life. This is your opportunity to do the same. Take charge of your life and challenge the voices in your head telling you that you aren’t cut out for the top. You are VIP!

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